I love that quote by J.R. R. Tolkien, “not all those who wander are lost”.
We are able to explore, search, find, discover and be free. It makes me feel like there is still a purpose to the meandering that we spend most of our lives doing.
But what happens when you are lost… When you feel like you are just wandering around. No purpose, no direction, and absolutely no clue what you are doing. It’s not like you mind wandering about. I’m talking about you set your foot on the path and then it just disappears all together. Your compass is broken and you have the map to the wrong location. I would say that this wanderer is definitely lost.
And it’s not like I don’t mind asking for directions. I am the first one to ask, “excuse me, can you tell me the directions to the nearest J.Crew please?” But right now, not even the cutest nautical inspired wear can help me find my way.
I have my bible, my notebook, my Jesus Calling and a whole other stack of books, apps, websites and what not… yet these past few months I have felt like I am walking in circles. Walking past the same old lessons, challenges and so on. I just can’t seem to break the pattern. What gives? And the minute I feel like I may be gaining ground… I have in fact doubled back. Oh Dang.
The one thing about this journey, this long, circle journey, is deep down I know I am not really lost. Maybe that is what my problem is. I really want to be lost. Blame it on someone else. Blame it on God. It’s not really my fault that all this is happening, hey, I am the victim. You gave me a broken compass. I knew where I was going and you put that log in the way, you washed out my path God. You, you, you…
And then He says. Yes. It was me. I want you to be lost. No hope but me. Nothing can get you back to where you were going except me. Not even wearing that new anchor sweater (which by the way, good idea, and I’m so happy you waited till it was on sale).
It am so good at putting on a good face, smiling, saying the typical things. “I know God will get me through this”, “He is just testing me”, “It will make me stronger”. Even I get tired of hearing myself say it. Because deep down, I am truly frustrated. Angry even.
But… yes, there is a but, I do get these glimmers of hope. Mile markers in my journey. I am on the right path and I know that I will get to the end. One of these mile markers came a couple of days ago. I was at a coffee shop in Cleveland Park and brought my Bible and Jesus Calling with me. One of the questions I had been asking God lately is if I was even on the right path. It was amazing how he answered. I have to admit, it wasn’t the answer I was look for, but that isn’t usually how he works.
It was in my Jesus Calling devotional. Proverbs 3:5-6. All I could do was say ok. I got it. I hear you loud and clear… but could you at least throw me an energy bar or something? I am getting hungry!
I thought I would share the verse with you in a fun graphic. If it helps, download it, set it as your backdrop or just write it down. Because it is the truth. Maybe not the answer you are looking for but it is truth.
If you are lost too, angry, tired, and fed up with all mosquitos, it’s ok. I am all these as well. I will pray for an energy bar for you too; one that doesn’t taste like cardboard either.
(To download, click on the picture below and follow the directions)