Faith and Hope, Life

patience should not be a virtue

It should be an olympic sport because it is just crazy hard.

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Whenever someone tells me patience is a virtue I want to drop kick them and tell them to patiently wait for help. No, I really wouldn’t drop kick them, but believe me, in my head it’s playing out like a silent movie with an incredible soundtrack. Which means I really do need to work on having patience.

Guys, I’m awful at having patience. I can’t even wait for my microwave to heat something for like 2 mins. I’m always checking it at 1 minute and 30 seconds, and yes, it is still cold. I open packages before Andy gets home because I just can’t wait and when Christmas time rolls around, I am so amped up, I usually end up giving Andy his presents weeks in advance. Waiting in line anywhere is like torture to me and if I’m waiting on food… we just shouldn’t go there. It’s a dark place. Dark and scary.

These are such little things. So little they don’t matter. So what happens about the big things? I have felt this past year has been in slow motion and fast forward at the same time. The ache of waiting for things hit deep into that pit of my heart where days felt like weeks and it actually became painful. Somedays it was hard to get out of bed, to busy myself, to focus on the here and now when all I wanted to do was snap my fingers and make things happen. Now, when I wanted them.

Forget the learning part in between. Forget the steps it takes, the trials, the prayers, the tears. Forget them all. Let’s just do this!

Ah. God, were you tired of my complaining? My anger? My ridiculous bargaining? I sure am. Man, I got so tired of myself. I wanted to dropkick myself.

Yet, I never learn. I still haven’t learned. Patience is something I will have to struggle learning the rest of my life. But… there are a few things I have learned, and without this time, I would have missed valuable lessons (I’m starting to sound like an adult… yikes).

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1. I learned that I can do it. I can get out of bed. Start the day, accomplish things and be proud of what I have done.

2. I can survive. Those long weeks when Andy and I were apart were so trying, but we made it. And we are about to do a solid month of living a part, more on that here, but now I know we can do this. It’s not so daunting.

3. Things do in fact take time. Relationships, building a business, networking, starting a blog… but they are worth the wait. 

4. I’m not done waiting. I could say some expletives to go along with this one, but I realize that I will always be waiting on something, but it will be ok. Just as long as my food comes out on time…. ice cream melts y’all!

5. And finally, what I think I am waiting on isn’t always the best thing for me. Something much more amazing will pop out of now where. I then feel like such an idiot for even doubting God. He is so much more in control than I give him credit for. Like I could really do it better…

Patience. I hate it. I hate waiting for it. It’s like a patience time continuum and it sucks you down.

But sometimes my waiting gives me sweet gems. Like the time I was waiting for Andy to finish up working. I think he forgot I was there…

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Anyway, what are you needing prayer for?

Love and hope, Em

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