Do you ever just read a verse and you know that it was meant for you at that time and that place?
This year has been hard. It has taught me so much about who I am, who I want to be and so much about my marriage and the pursuit of God and His love for me.
Yesterday, at church, one of our pastor’s phrased the story of our life in a way that really resonated with me. In that part of my heart that feels things more vibrantly. While she was talking about the reason for the Bible, I felt it as the summary of this past year.
A passionate God on a relentless pursuit of his child.
I have felt so alone at times that I didn’t think God was listening, doing, acting, coming, but it was because I was running. Trying to fix things my own way. How many times have I fallen into this trap of doubting, thinking and self acting? O so many! And I know it won’t be the last. O Brother.
But it’s in verses like Psalm 42:7 that I begin to see more clearly why God has brought me down this path.
Deep calls out to deep. My deepest part of my heart calling out to His heart. Come, save me, rescue me. Wash over me.
When I was little, my family used to travel to the beach almost every summer and we would boogie board from sun up to sun down. How my 10 year old self would love to catch a wave and ride it in. Sand and salt and speed, all the way up to the shore. But every once in a while, I would get knocked off, and the wave would crash me to the bottom and I could feel the power of the wave over me. I would come up gasping for air and frantically looking for my board. I loved it and hated it. I would always end up with water up my nose (which to me is the worse feeling ever) but I also loved that feeling of being surrounded by water. Fully encapsulated by the wave with no control over my body. It was so freeing.
Now I am 27 and I have lost some of that reckless abandon and I so want to be on top of that wave, in control and ride it all the way to the shore. But then in my desperation, He knocks me over and covers me with his waves. Over and over. I can’t breath, I can’t move, I can’t see, all I can do is feel the power over me. Rushing over me.
David got it when he wrote that Psalm. It’s exhausting trying to fight the wave, all you can do it let it wash over you. You will eventually end up on the shore. With water up your nose and sand in your eyes, but you will be alive.