Faith and Hope

soul searching, loss, and hope

April 27, 2015

 

FogHouse2FH

soul searching, loss, and hope

This past month, well the last two, have been an upheaval in our household. We have had change before in our lives, and I could handle big change, especially when it came to decisions that we had to make together. But these past months, these changes were at a much more personal level or seemed to affect my heart with a higher price.

It rocked my world. I felt lost and confused.

I had my first panic attack. All I remember is lying on our bedroom floor feeling the intangible weight press against me and the pit in my stomach growing; I called Andy, asking what I should do. Uncharted waters, I felt the sharks swimming around. All I could do was pray, so with whispers at first, mixed with tears I climbed up. Every day, felt like an uphill battle.

Little by little, I prayed my way out, still unsure of what my future held, but I began to really question what it is I wanted. What I really wanted. What God truly had in store for me.

I was weary. Exhausted and frustrated, still unsure. In the midst of all this, my family had to make a large decision and lay our family dog to rest. It was putting a very real pain to the loss I was already feeling inside.

So I went home. Home to feel the loss and to rest. To settle my heart and spend time in the mountains. As I ascended into the mountains and the rain turned to snow, I felt freer, like the snow was letting the pain wash away. I felt at rest.

And the hope that I feel is like a breath of fresh air. I just stood on the deck and breathed in the fog.

Tomorrow is another day. And through the snow comes new life. Spring is here and I am ready.

FogHouse4FH FogHouse3FH FogHouse5FH FogHouse1FH

loveandhopeem

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