Faith and Hope

christmas gone wrong

Sweet friends, I have had a tough week and a half.

I’m not sharing for sympathy, no, I just want to be honest and share what I have discovered or should I say have relearned.

Oh my word.

Fear.

Damn it!

Not to mention, envy, self ridicule, loathing, anger… . I’m more than embarrassed to admit that these have been the words that would describe me this past week. I usually love Christmas but some reason, this Christmas was clouded by these horrible thoughts. Again, damn it.

It was like I gave myself coal in my stocking, because it’s what I thought I deserved. In the words from Jamie, the very worst missionary, “Go home Christmas, your drunk!” (PS, she is hilarious, check her out!)

I’m not going to lie, I really felt like I needed to be drunk the entire week. Me and the old pocket flask might have been BFFs if I had remembered it, or if I just even had one. Anyways, you guys, I got sucked into the whirlwind of feeling just plain not good enough. My presents weren’t wrapped pretty enough and I didn’t have cute calligraphy on them. I didn’t have an amazing table scape to display my loads of Christmas DIYs that so perfectly accented my beautiful Christmas outfit, and the only thing I actually made this Christmas was the trip to Safeway to pick up salsa (because people like to say salsa) to bring to dinner because that’s all I could make in my kitchen that doesn’t exist right now because we are living in a basement bedroom.

Our Christmas cards are now New Years Cards because get this…. I had loads of typos! Damn it!

Sometimes, this blog can feel like a burden because I feel like I’m not doing enough. I’m not emitting enough creative juice out into the world of Pinterinstagram.

I have failed. 

Oh, but just wait. It’s Christmas. I had completely forgotten what Christmas means. It’s not about the perfect Christmas card photo, or about making your own gift tags from recycled leaves and what not. It’s about HIM. He came to save us all. Even the messed up, screwed up, ripped tights wearing (because yes that happened too), self loathing, fearful, envious grinch of them all. He loves me, yes, even me. Even you!

YouareLoved1

Please don’t think my Christmas was horrible. It wasn’t. I was with family, we had good food including great salsa (thank you Safeway), and we were blessed immensely. But it took me a while to realize just how stupid I was being. That is where I failed. 

But it’s ok, because of His amazing love and mercy, I am loved, forgiven and all His perfect love can cast out my fear of being so insecure. So you know what? “Go home insecurity, your drunk!”

YouareLoved4

It’s ok to not be perfect. Because He is.

YouareLoved3I needed this reminder so many times this past week. Grab this graphic and save it to your phone, computer, print it out, stick it to your forehead, I don’t care, just remember it!

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5 Comment

  1. Reply
    Natalie
    December 31, 2013 at 11:21 am

    Oh, Em. You are SO loved!! Wishing you a beautiful and fruitful new year.

    Let’s see each other soon, yes?

  2. Reply
    Jen
    December 31, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    Thank you for this honesty and reminder! I love you! Please call me when you can!

  3. Reply
    Emily @ Two Purple Couches
    December 31, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    Months ago, I made your You Are Enough design my laptop background image. Because I really needed that reminder, and still do, every day. Pinterest and Instagram – go home! You’re drunk!
    Happy New Year, Emilie! Hope you have a wonderful start to 2014!

    1. Reply
      emilie marian
      December 31, 2013 at 7:54 pm

      Haha! Exactly! I’m so glad that was a good reminder for you! I need to tell myself that everyday. I will be praying for you as we try to remind ourselves that The Lord made us for a purpose and he loves us no matter what! Happy New Year to you too!

  4. Reply
    resolutions -
    January 2, 2014 at 9:05 am

    […] I could do to make me feel better. Totally self centered and horrible. If you didn’t catch my Christmas Gone Wrong post, there is more of that over there… I need a total attitude […]

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